Blissed Out (Chelsea & Max's Wedding) Read online

  “He seems to be adjusting well,” says my mom, her eyes searching mine.

  I nod. “We’re getting there. We’ve had our rough patches, that’s for sure. I didn’t know how to be a mom and he didn’t know how to have a mom.”

  She shakes her head. “I’ve got three full grown daughters and I still don’t know how to be a mom.”

  That may be the first time I’ve ever heard my mother admit to a fault. It takes me off guard and I don’t know what to say. A quick glance at my sisters shows that they’re also still processing that statement.

  “He was basically feral when he first moved in,” says Max. “Totally used to being in control of what he did and how he did it. We’re lucky he’s a good kid with a good heart.”

  I stare out over the water, remembering some of the stories he told us about his life with a woman who really and truly had no right to be a mom. “It sounds like he was often the one in the parental role. As much as I hate it for him, what he went through when his mom left him, I’m very glad to know he’s out of that situation.”

  “Is he talking to anyone?” asks Maya. “A counselor? A therapist?”

  Max nods. “We see a family therapist once a month and he goes for some one on one stuff twice a month.”

  There’s a moment of silence and serenity and I can’t believe that I’m sitting here, having a normal conversation with my family. There’s no stress. No anxiety. No barbed comments. It’s so nice. Why isn’t it like this more often?

  “Well, I for one am so glad it’s working out,” says Mom and it sounds like she really means it. “Dakota found Dominic. Chelsea found Max and Charlie. Now I just need to worry about poor sweet Maya turning into the old maid of the family.”

  Maya visibly flinches and clenches her jaw. So much for the no stress version of a London family gathering.

  “Mom.” The word comes out of my mouth a little harsher than I intended it to.

  “What?” She looks utterly confused and offended.

  “Maya is only twenty-eight. And she’s a pediatric surgeon going through one hell of a residency at a trauma hospital. Just when do you expect her to find the time or energy to date?” I can’t believe what I just said, and judging by the looks of shock on my sisters’ faces, neither can they. No one stands up to Mom or Dad when they say stuff like that. That’s just not the London way to make waves.

  “Oh, you know I’m proud as I can be of her. But I’m just saying. You girls aren’t getting any younger. The bloom is falling off the rose.” Mom makes it sound like that’s the worst possible tragedy or our lives. “You’re lucky you found someone like Max who wasn’t concerned with the fact that you’re looking a little older. And maybe, if you stop wasting time, there’s still a chance to have a baby of your own.”

  I’m appalled. “Mom!”

  “I just want what’s best for you.” Mom sighs, looking to Dad for support.

  “Your mom’s right. It’s something you just don’t understand because you don’t have any biological children.”

  And that, my friends, is the final straw. I can feel it settling on all of us. The weight of what they just said. The gravity of it. Years and years of comments like that baring down on me and Maya and Chelsea.

  I sit up and look at my parents, the self-nominated spokesperson for me and my sisters. “Maybe it’s time to realize that at this point, we know what’s best for ourselves.”

  Maya sits forward as Mom and Dad spit and sputter in exasperation. “She has a point. I’ve spent the last ten years of my life preparing for my career while other people were out experiencing life. And now that I’ve wasted my youth, or so you’d have me believe, I’m coming to the conclusion that I chose this path for you guys. Not for me. And this is where I am now, and as much as I love that I’m making a difference in people’s lives, I’m not so sure I would have gone in this direction if you hadn’t pushed me into it.”

  Dad clears his throat, the customary warning sign that he is beginning to get irritated. The London version of a rattlesnake shaking its tail. “So you’d rather be like Dakota then? Living the kind of life that keeps us awake at night?”

  Dakota sits up. “Hey! I like my life, fuck you very much.”

  Mom gasps. “Dakota!”

  This is all about to go downhill very quickly. And here I was just thinking that we might be able to survive this week together after all. I’m desperate to get things back on track, but have not one single idea what to say or how to do it.

  Max stands up, showing his palms. “Listen to your daughters, Mr. and Mrs. London,” he says in his cop voice. “I know you don’t like what they’re saying, but as an outsider looking in, it’s clear they really need you to hear them.”

  Dominic nods. “He’s right.”

  Max continues. “I know you’re trying your best to make sure they’re good, strong women, capable of reaching all the potential you see in them, but, maybe it’s time to take a step back and look at who they are. They’ve accomplished so much. What more do you want for them?”

  My mom stares at his, studying each of our faces in turn. “I just want what’s best for them,” she repeats.

  “I love my life,” says Dakota. “I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

  I stand up and wrap myself in Max’s arms. “I have a job I love, a man I adore, and a kid I think the world of. What more could you possibly want for me?”

  We all turn to Maya who makes a sad face. “I have a job that sucks the very marrow from my soul sometimes, a crap load of student debt, and a home I can barely keep clean because I’m always at work or exhausted because I was at work. Congratulations, Mom and Dad. Mission accomplished.” And with that, she stands up and hurries inside, leaving us all to stare after her in surprise.

  Chapter Six

  Later that night, as we’re brushing our teeth and getting ready for bed, Max takes my hand. He meets my eyes through the mirror and smiles such a sad, sweet smile, that I take my toothbrush out of my mouth and turn to him.

  “What?” I ask around a mouthful of toothpaste.

  “I’m proud of you.”

  I spit and rinse my mouth. “For what? For making a big scene with my parents and upsetting Maya when we still have two more days we have to spend in this house together?”

  Max laughs. “No. For standing up for yourself. For your sisters. You parents have the best intentions in the world, I know they do, but they needed to hear everything you said tonight.”

  “Maybe,” I say. “But I don’t think anything is going to change. They’re still going to be them, overbearing and passive aggressive as all hell.” I shake my head. “I feel really bad for Maya. I’m worried about her.”

  After she ran upstairs, we all took turns trying to get her to come out and talk to us. She kept insisting that she was fine and just needed to be alone. The whole thing just breaks my heart. I keep thinking of her, locked in her room. Hurting. Alone. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now, after spending a decade in school and a small fortune on education, only to realize she might not actually want to be a surgeon. I want to fix it and make it all better for her and I’m not sure if that’s something I can do. I think that’s up to her.

  “I’m not worried,” says Max.

  “What? Why?”

  He takes the toothbrush out of my hand and sets it on the counter. “Life is all about ups and downs. You’ve gotta recognize that you’re down in order to fix things and work on climbing back up again. Sure it’s bad when you’re in one of those valleys, but it only makes the view from the top all the more sweet. Maya’s down. She’s not happy and anyone who looks close enough can see it. But instead of addressing the issue, she’s pretending that everything’s fine when it isn’t. And that just makes life one long, straight line. No ups or downs, just a whole lot of tedium. There’s nothing good about living a life like that.”

  “No, there really isn’t.”

  “That’s why I don’t feel bad for her.” Max runs his ha
nds up and down my arms. “She got knocked out of that long, straight, flat line tonight. And sure, she’s in a valley now, but that only means she’s got nowhere to go but up.”

  “What if she stays down?” I look up into those endless blue eyes and wonder how I ever made it this far in life without him. Funny thing is, I think I was in the middle of a long straight line before he found me and showed me the view from the top.

  “Have you ever known a London who could handle staying down? Ever?”

  I laugh, despite myself. “Never. If there is a ladder to climb, then by golly, we’re going to climb it.”

  “Exactly. Sure, Maya’s down. But all you need to do is show her the ladder.”

  I let out a long breath. “How do you always know how to say the perfect things?”

  “Because I’m just that awesome.” Max gives me a huge grin, one that is so very rare on his typically scowling face. One that I don’t think many people ever get to see.

  “You really, really are.” I dig through my makeup bag for my birth control pills. As I pop one out of the little individual seals, Max puts a hand on mine, stopping me.

  The grin is gone from his face and the deep crease has settled back in between his eyebrows again. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something and then closes it again, letting a long breath out through his nose. His eyes are tortured. I haven’t seen him look like this in a long time and it’s all the harder to see in the wake of such a happy face only seconds ago.

  “What is it, my love?” I ask putting down the pills and capturing his face between my hands.

  “Are you sure?” His voice is twisted and thick. My stomach drops because anything that could have him this tense is certain to be bad.

  “Sure about what?”

  Oh, God. What if he’s asking about the wedding? Was that scene with my family too much for Max Santoro, the man who boldly proclaimed himself as not a family man? A series of cracks splinter out across my heart.

  “About the pill,” he says and finally looks me in the eye. There’s so much pain and love all twisted up in there that I gasp. “Are you sure you want to take it?”

  “Are you asking me if I want to try to have a baby with you?”

  He nods. Swallows and purses his lips and then shakes his head.

  “I watch you with Charlie,” he says. “You’re so good with him. And I look at us, this haphazard family that shouldn’t work. Not at all. But we do. And it’s good, Chelsea. I stare at the two of you sometimes and I’m just in awe of what our life has become.” He swipes a finger across my cheek and its only then that I realize I’m crying.

  “You’re the one whose good with Charlie,” I say. “He says these things and asks these questions that I’m so unprepared for and you just get down in front of him and hit him with this big dose of wisdom. He’s going to grow into a great man, and that’s because he’s going to grow up to be just like you.”

  “Then maybe we need to have a little girl who will grow up to be just like you,” says Max. “I wonder what it would be to look a child and see your face and my face. And your strengths and my weaknesses and I wonder what it would be like to watch Charlie take on the role of big brother…” He trails off and damn if there aren’t tears in his eyes.

  “Max,” I say. “This is a huge thing. If it’s not something you want, and remember? It wasn’t long ago when you told me you didn’t want it.”

  “Believe me. I remember.”

  “Well, what’s changed?”

  “You. You came into my life and changed everything for the better.”

  I frown, feeling a crease appear between my brows just like his. “Is this something you really want? This isn’t something to just do on a whim and change our minds later after it’s too late.” The truth is, I’d love to have a baby with him. I just never let myself think about it because I didn’t think he would want to make our family any bigger than it already is.

  “I’ve been thinking about it for a long time now. This isn’t a whim. At least not on my part. I can’t get the thought of a little girl out of my head, sweet and strong like her mommy. I want this. Do you?”

  I nod, too full of too many feelings to find words. Max takes the pills out of my hand and pops them out one by one into the toilet and flushes them away.

  “Good.” He smiles. “Now stop crying and let’s go make a baby.”

  That night, the sex isn’t just sex. Nor is it simply making love. Max and I forge a connection so deep there’s no coming back from it. I give myself to him and he gives himself to me and while our bodies writhe and sweat on the bed, our souls complete a union. As my fingernails rake down his back, and he spills himself into me, whispering my name over and over and over, I realize that this is the moment we’re truly married.

  Not standing in front of some stranger on a beach.

  Not signing a paper to file with the state.

  But now, lying in bed, committing ourselves to each other and the creation of another soul. A promise to love each other through our children, to see the best of each other in who they become.

  Forever.

  And ever…

  …and ever…

  Chapter Seven

  We sneak out the next morning before my family is awake. I know I didn’t sleep much, and I don’t think he did either, both of us too excited about what we’d done the night before. I just want to steal some more time with Max and Charlie before I have to face my sisters and my parents.

  And so that’s what we do.

  We creep upstairs and wake Charlie. Get him dressed as he yawns and rubs his eyes. And then we take off for downtown Bliss.

  “Where are we going?” asks Charlie once we’re in the car. “I’m hungry.”

  Max looks at me and shrugs, a question in his eyes. “Want to get something to eat?”

  “Sure.” We didn’t have a destination in mind when we left. All we knew was that we wanted to end up not where we were.

  Of course, curse of the small town, there’s not much open this early. We’re just about to give up on finding a place to eat and find something else to do when we come across Good Beginnings at the very end of the street. And they’re very decidedly open.

  “Isn’t this the place Ian mentioned?” I ask, my hands placed flat against my stomach. Is something happening in there? I can’t help but wonder. I can’t help but hope.

  “I think so.” Max parks and then spins in his seat to look at Charlie. “Want to give it a try?”

  “As long as there’s food, I’m good.”

  We climb out of the car and press through the door into the café. There’s a woman behind the counter, her hair a mess of dark curls. “Morning,” she says with a smile. “You must be either the couple that’s getting married or you’re with them.”

  Max flares his hands. “Guilty on that first count. How can you tell?”

  “We don’t get too many new faces in here and word travels fast. Alas, there are no secrets in Bliss.”

  A tall man comes out of the back while we study the menu. He’s almost as big as Max, which is surprising, although he’s not nearly as intimidating. However, that could be because of the baby boy giggling on his hip.

  “Hey, Ellie?” he begins and the stops when he sees us, a look of surprise darting across his dark features. “Woops! Sorry. Didn’t expect to see a customer. The locals don’t show up this early.” He shifts the wiggling boy over to his other hip, who promptly reaches for Ellie. “So,” continues the man. “You the ones getting married or are you just here for the wedding?” he asks as he hands the baby over.

  “Wow,” I say, shaking my head.

  Ellie smiles at me as she kisses her son’s head. “What did I tell you? There are no secrets in Bliss.”

  If I had any doubts about the way Max truly felt about having a baby, the way he’s watching Ellie and her son obliterates every last one. He studies them almost reverently, smiling to himself. He takes my hand and gives it a little squeeze before wrapp
ing an arm around Charlie’s shoulder and pulling him close.

  We finally decide and place our order, egg sandwiches for Max and me and pancakes for Charlie.

  “You want a coffee?” Max asks the boy as Ellie hands us two large cardboard cups of the stuff.

  “Ew. No.” Charlie wrinkles his nose and shakes his head. “That stuff is nasty.”

  “Just wait, I bet you’ll change your mind about it here in a few years.” Max leads us over to one of the tables in the empty café and pulls out a chair for me.

  “No way.” Charlie plops down next to me, shaking his head.

  Max and Charlie babble on, talking about caffeine and skydiving and whatever else comes to their minds. Charlie actually says he can’t wait to get back to school so he can tell his friends all about it. As smart as he is, he never wants to go to school.

  It’s a simple thing, this. Sitting in an empty café with my family while we laugh and talk and eat. Simple and beautiful. A glimpse of the rest of my life.

  I know we’ll have our ups and our downs. I know that it won’t all be beautiful. I know there will be times when we don’t agree. When Charlie grows and spreads his wings and pushes against us, testing his independence. But I’ll take those downs if it means that the ups will be this good. Besides, what Max said last night is true. I’m a London. I won’t stay down long.

  Max and I are waiting for Charlie to finish his pancakes when my phone vibrates in my purse. Frowning, I pull it out only to find that I’ve missed about a million texts from Dakota.

  Where are you?

  Mom’s loosing it.

  Check your damn phone.

  Did you leave for good?

  And then finally:

  For real. Where the fuck are you? Mom thinks you changed your mind about the wedding and went home. She’s blaming Maya. Call me.

  I close my eyes and sigh.

  “What’s up, babe?” asks Max.

  I show him the phone and watch him read through the texts, brow furrowed. “I don’t even want to go back,” I say, smiling weakly. “Maybe we just do what they already think we did.”